New Year....feelings... reflections & aspirations

Although the news of our uncle's death was a shock to us at Christmas time, Ed and I have now reached a stage of acceptance. We now feel the only solution to our lives is to move forward and hang on to the fact that his spirit will always be with us.

It came out of the blue this morning when I woke up, my mind was full of mixed positive emotions. I decided to take my medication....eat breakfast and take a walk to help clear my head. It was a refreshing walk albeit that the weather was being very tempermental....sun-rain-wind-sun repeating itself over and over. I got home feeling quite refreshed and my mind was a lot clearer. I sat down and momentarily reflected on the past year. I found that it has somewhat helped me to regain my positivity and philosphy of life, which is to trust and believe in oneself...to have compassion for others...and to accept what will be will be in the face of adversity.

I had been thinking over Christmas of looking into a more holistic approach to help my body recover from tx. I talked to a friend (with Hepc) who suggested that some alternative remedies could have a positive affect on my well-being. Consequently with the New Year in and my aspirations regarding my health at the fore of my mind, I decided that alongside my diet of fresh fruit and veg etc I would try some remedies. Firstly I did some research into these remedies and found that the specific one's that I wanted should not have any adverse affects on my liver. I bought evening primrose oil for poor immunity, omega-3 to help poor circulation & to balance cholesterol levels, milk thistle which acts as an antioxidant in helping the liver produce new liver cells. I also included an Australian bush flower essence for irritability & impatience, and viridian for Candida Albicans (bacterial infection in mouth). Viridian is used to build up bacteria that have been destroyed by antibiotics therefore, maintaing a healthy digestive system. I already take gogi berries and a regular intake of pro biotic drinks that were recommended to me, so I am positive that my health will improve as time goes on. Of course the only downside to taking these remedies is that my future Hepc Specialist may ask me to stop taking them if he is to retreat me in in a few month's time. That I will find out when I have my first appointment with him.

My thoughts turned to my application to become a tutor for the Expert Patient Programme. Having done a six week course on how to self-manage ones life with a long-term or chronic illness, I have put to use most of what I have learned, and now feel in control of my illness and not the other way around. I now feel that I want to teach people who have a long-term or chronic illness, and feel lost or out of control with their lives, the value of self-management skills.

I was thinking of the conversation I had yesterday with my good friend Lizzy who lives in London...always has me in stitches LOL. In her spare time she house sits moggies, and I believe she now has five families of moggies to contend with. Lizzy chatted away about spending her Christmas with the moggies, which she really enjoyed. We sometimes invite her over for Christmas but this year as she was busy catting, we spent Christmas Eve and day on our own. In the summer we used to go for long walks along Richmond river banks, never getting tired, always enjoying the scenery, people, pubs and restaurants. An activity which I have missed so much in the last two-three years due to Hepc and sides from tx. So my thoughts have now moved forward to the springtime when we will meet Lizzy at Richmond.

In February we are going to meet Helen & Eric, close friends of ours, and have a meal at Presso's which is an Italian restaurant situated in Maldon. I am looking forward to that as we don't get to see each other that often, and it gives us a chance to have a really good natter!!!

My eyes gazed towards a portrait painting that I did of a 'man of the plateau', (in Tibet) from Michael Palins book Himalaya. I had forgotton that I had painted this before my tx, which was probably to do with the side effects of tx. I felt a rush of excitement at the prospects of starting up my art work again.

There is so much more that I would like to achieve but my main aspiration is to focus on staying as healthy as possible.

I almost feel guilty for feeling this good so soon after the loss of Uncle at Christmas, but with my New Year feelings of...reflections and aspirations I can only say that I feel this year is going to be a positive one!!!

Happy New Year to you all, and good luck and wishes to all you JJ'S, I hope it goes well for you, I will be rooting for you.



Marie

Christmas and New Year Part 2.

Ed and I would like to thank everyone for their condolences on the death of our uncle. Receiving so much support, kind words, and suggestions has eased our grief enormously. We will both take heed in what we have read and digest your suggestions on ways to commemorate him.

These are pictures of Kew Gardens where he would spend a lot of his time. Whilst writing this I suddenly had this idea that a rose tree from kew to plant in our garden seems like a fitting way to remember him.

Once again thank you all so much, particularly those who are on tx and experiencing the harsh sides of it. You were all there for Ed and I and we will hold you in our hearts.

Marie and Ed xxxx

Christmas -mixed celebrations

Ed and I decided to stay at home this year to celebrate Xmas, as in the past we have either had friends to stay or gone away on holiday. As youngsters we neither experienced the 'usual' or what is considered 'normal' celebrations of special events that are so meaningful in a person's life. This was due to circumstances beyond our comprehension. As the years have gone by we have both experienced positive life changes that has strengthened our faith, belief and trust in ourselves, and those around us. We now celebrate special occasions with love, joy,compassion, trust and respect.

On Christmas Day we opened our pressies and were both delighted with each other's choice's. Ed cooked me a lovely lunch which always seems to turn out better than my cooking LOL. We played sudoku, messed around with my new camera, Ed gets restless and tries to fix Xmas tree (fibre optics not working). The day ended with us both feeling happy, contented and glad to be alive.

On Boxing day we travelled to London to visit Ed's dad and brother. We were only there for half an hour when Ed's dad tells us that his uncle had died suddenly from a heart attack. We were both shocked and horrified because for one reason Ed's dad had not phoned and informed him of his death, which had been two weeks previous. Therefore we did not get to attend his funeral. The second reason was that I had grown as fond of him as Ed had been because he had been such a lovable character with a great sense of humour. He always amazed me when we would trek around Kew Gardens, the strength and stamina he possessed was incredible. No one would even think that he'd had a heart transplant a couple of years earlier.

Ed's dad had cooked us lunch and to be perfectly honest we neither felt like eating. I think Ed found it hard to contain his anger towards his dad and I was experiencing a really low ebb. As 4pm came upon us we had spent the afternoon virtually in silence so decided to have a cup of tea and cake and return home. We spent a little time in the evening talking about Ed's uncle and how fond he was of him. For a moment Ed became very vulnerable because he always had a closer relationship with his uncle than he did with his dad. It was a sad way to end our Christmas but we both tried to deal with our loss whichever way we could.

Ed spent the rest of the week embroiled in his computer....sorting the study out with my help....cleaning the kitchen...and so on. I spent time sorting out old videos....sorting and organising my study area in the sitting room...reading Judy Tatelbaum's book 'The Courage To Grieve'. Both of us not saying much but both of us understanding our internal torment.

On Saturday we decided to go out for the day so we went to a small village called Lavenham with its amazing early 14th century crooked houses. The 14th century Crooked House Gallery was inspiring for any artist as it houses paintings-ceramics-jewellery-textiles-sculpture-prints and glass. We continued to explore the village but my legs were still very weak from the side effects of HepC, so we had lunch in a nearby pub to recuperate. We had a lovely day and time out from our home lifted our spirits up momentarily.

On New Years Eve we went shopping for a dvd unit, then spent time ordering opera dvd's from Amazon. Later on we watched Jools Holland which was a favourite of Ed's uncle, so it was a fitting epitaph and celebration of his uncle's life.

So that's it, Ed went back to work today which did not please him, and for me his uncle's death has given me the strength and courage to write and acknowledge his final demise in my blog.

Marie