Christmas -mixed celebrations

Ed and I decided to stay at home this year to celebrate Xmas, as in the past we have either had friends to stay or gone away on holiday. As youngsters we neither experienced the 'usual' or what is considered 'normal' celebrations of special events that are so meaningful in a person's life. This was due to circumstances beyond our comprehension. As the years have gone by we have both experienced positive life changes that has strengthened our faith, belief and trust in ourselves, and those around us. We now celebrate special occasions with love, joy,compassion, trust and respect.

On Christmas Day we opened our pressies and were both delighted with each other's choice's. Ed cooked me a lovely lunch which always seems to turn out better than my cooking LOL. We played sudoku, messed around with my new camera, Ed gets restless and tries to fix Xmas tree (fibre optics not working). The day ended with us both feeling happy, contented and glad to be alive.

On Boxing day we travelled to London to visit Ed's dad and brother. We were only there for half an hour when Ed's dad tells us that his uncle had died suddenly from a heart attack. We were both shocked and horrified because for one reason Ed's dad had not phoned and informed him of his death, which had been two weeks previous. Therefore we did not get to attend his funeral. The second reason was that I had grown as fond of him as Ed had been because he had been such a lovable character with a great sense of humour. He always amazed me when we would trek around Kew Gardens, the strength and stamina he possessed was incredible. No one would even think that he'd had a heart transplant a couple of years earlier.

Ed's dad had cooked us lunch and to be perfectly honest we neither felt like eating. I think Ed found it hard to contain his anger towards his dad and I was experiencing a really low ebb. As 4pm came upon us we had spent the afternoon virtually in silence so decided to have a cup of tea and cake and return home. We spent a little time in the evening talking about Ed's uncle and how fond he was of him. For a moment Ed became very vulnerable because he always had a closer relationship with his uncle than he did with his dad. It was a sad way to end our Christmas but we both tried to deal with our loss whichever way we could.

Ed spent the rest of the week embroiled in his computer....sorting the study out with my help....cleaning the kitchen...and so on. I spent time sorting out old videos....sorting and organising my study area in the sitting room...reading Judy Tatelbaum's book 'The Courage To Grieve'. Both of us not saying much but both of us understanding our internal torment.

On Saturday we decided to go out for the day so we went to a small village called Lavenham with its amazing early 14th century crooked houses. The 14th century Crooked House Gallery was inspiring for any artist as it houses paintings-ceramics-jewellery-textiles-sculpture-prints and glass. We continued to explore the village but my legs were still very weak from the side effects of HepC, so we had lunch in a nearby pub to recuperate. We had a lovely day and time out from our home lifted our spirits up momentarily.

On New Years Eve we went shopping for a dvd unit, then spent time ordering opera dvd's from Amazon. Later on we watched Jools Holland which was a favourite of Ed's uncle, so it was a fitting epitaph and celebration of his uncle's life.

So that's it, Ed went back to work today which did not please him, and for me his uncle's death has given me the strength and courage to write and acknowledge his final demise in my blog.

Marie