As I sit here listening to Andrea Bocelli 'Aria' The Opera Album my memories drift back to my happy carefree life 10year's ago, when I did not have a care in the world and never ever had any reason to worry about my health.I remember when I used to own a Peugeot racing bike with ten gears. I would travel everywhere on that bike, up hill, down hill, London to Brighton and back, to work, you name it that bike would take me anywhere. My friends used to ask me how do I do it? and where do you get the energy from? I used to tell them it was easy for me because of the thrill I got from cycling. For instance when cycling I became more aware of the breathtaking surroundings around me such as the wondrous colours of the fields, the sky with it's shaping and often descriptive clouds informing me what weather to expect. The gentle breeze in my face and the fresh air in my lungs giving me that wonderful sensation of being alive. It always surprised me to see so much wild life like rabbits, field mice, pheasants scuttling across the roads, and the beautiful butterflies bobbing about in the warm air. I began to notice more cyclists on the road who seemed to whiz past me like there is no tomorrow. When cycling along the river banks from Fulham to Richmond I would notice the many boats, barges, swans and birds, as well as the many artists engrossed in their paintings. There would be crowds of cyclists gathered together enjoying their lunch before their next trek down the line.
When I finally passed my driving test, it was only then that I realised how much I missed the wonderful aesthetic world that god has created, due to the concentration needed when driving. I suddenly realised that the music had stopped, my hubby was looking at me questioningly and asked me where had I been for the last hour or so. I told him where my memories had taken me and it brought it all back again for him seeing me on my peugeot bike.
We sat down and had a cup of tea reminicing of our days together ten year's ago, laughing at the fun sides of our life and some not so funny times like when we went to Florence, Italy. We somehow got separated in the local market, it took us at least 2 hours to find each other, because I had stepped out of the market and wondered down a side street, therefore getting lost. We did not laugh at the time but we now see the funny side of it. Then he remembered when I had to go in hospital for a major operation. I woke up from the anesthetic to see a lovely basket of three teddies staring at me and my hubbies eyes longinly looking at me. I was so moved by his love and warmth that when I got home this is what I wrote to him:
Inspired By The Basket Of Love
The operation sought to heal my womb from contamination,
coming out of the anesthetic there was this sudden realisation,
a vision that seemed so real, a basket cradling three white fluffy bears,
their dark eyes stared lovingly at me, and as I awakened there were yet
another set of eyes so longingly looking into mine, ridding me of any fears.
There was Ed so loving and caring
he brought me the bears with the thought of repairing
the wounds that would heal in time.
Sometimes I forget the precious moments of spontaneity
then I remember the days of fragility,
we fought and forgave, we wept and laughed, we resented yet supported each other,
and again we looked at the bears looking back at us as if to say that moment meant so much to you and your lover.
And yes we will always be the bears, but you are still you.
Ed and the bears are with me today,
still giving me that longing look of love
which was cherised that time in the hospital bay.
Ed was very moved by these words and still is today.
We spent the rest of the evening just holding hands and occasionally looking at each other, both feeling happy, calm and contented. I felt then that I wanted to talk about how my health started to change leading up to my diagnosis of HepC, but I decided not to as we were both pleasantly tired and needed to sleep.
My world of HepC will be my next entry.
Marie
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